


Want

by ABrighterDarkness



Series: Tony Stark Bingo [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Feelings, First Kiss, M/M, Tony Stark Has Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:48:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22215073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ABrighterDarkness/pseuds/ABrighterDarkness
Summary: “No,” Tony managed to say finally, dark eyes still locked on icy ones. “That’s not...That’s not what I’m wanting to say.  You don’t have to go.  I’d rather you didn’t.  Go that is.”“Then what is you want, Tony?” he asked seriously, brows furrowed slightly in frustration. “I get that you’re still angry and I don’t blame you.  But I’m not gonna keep giving myself whiplash tryin’ to keep up with you.”
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark
Series: Tony Stark Bingo [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1599133
Comments: 14
Kudos: 265
Collections: Tony Stark Bingo 2020





	Want

**Author's Note:**

> Tony Stark Bingo Card #3089, Square S-3: Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier

For a brief moment, time glitched. Tony wasn’t entirely sure what was happening, where he was, or why. All he knew was that he was trapped; pinned between the solid steel wall at his back and the densely muscled, tightly coiled body against his front. It wasn’t the the wall or the body or even the grip around his wrist that kept him frozen though. Rather, it was the fiercely intense stare from icy grey eyes that kept him pinned like the wings of a butterfly, incapable of so much as a twitch. He wanted to twitch. He wanted to more than twitch. He wanted to rage. To snarl vicious vitriol that would force the man to cede ground. He wanted to shove him out of his space. He wanted to clench his fingers tightly in the fabric of his t-shirt and jerk him forward or push him away - Tony wasn’t entirely sure which.

He couldn’t, though. He couldn’t dislodge the words from his throat. Couldn’t force himself to shake the grip on his wrist. Couldn’t convince his hands to reach, to push, or to pull. He couldn’t focus on anything but that stare and the single point of contact between them, the press of cool metal fingers coiled around his wrist.

The laugh that burst out of Barnes wasn’t a pleasant thing. There was no happiness or joy in the sound. It was steeped in bitterness and self-depreciation. Barnes canted his head to the side, a wry, cynical smirk etching across his face. The fingers around Tony’s wrist tightened, just enough for Tony to feel the change. Barnes’ voice, when he spoke, mirrored all of the acrid self-hatred that laced that terrible laugh and the bitter smile. 

“We both know,” he said, “that if I were here to ‘finish the job’, as you so cavalierly spat at me, it’d already be done and you’d be dead. Not sure why we keep having to hash this out, Stark. You called me down here so say what it is you  _ actually _ wanted to say. You want me gone? Just say the words and I’m in the wind.” Barnes shifted his weight, bringing his body just a fraction closer to Tony’s. The smirk had dropped, expression turning serious and the hand dropped from Tony’s wrist. “So say what you’re really wantin’ to say ‘cause I’m not at your beck and call. I’m not gonna be your verbal punching bag past this moment. So get it all out now. One time offer, pal.”

Tony’s mind settled. He  _ had _ summoned Barnes down to the lab, wanting to run a couple of tests on that arm, not to verbally spar. Truthfully, he couldn’t pinpoint what led him to spitting out his usual defensive barbs. It was likely some off-hand comment that meant nothing that Tony had to go and get worked up over. He did that...more often than he cared to admit.

And that’s the thing Tony had come to understand about one James Buchanan Barnes. He wasn’t the most conversational man, not like Rogers seemed to recall from their youth. Small, witty commentary here and there was often the extent of it. But when he  _ did _ speak, actually put himself out there to say something, he said  _ exactly _ what he meant, no more no less. 

Tony knew without a doubt that if his next words were to tell the man to leave, he’d be gone. Gone without a single trace of where he went or that he’d even been there to begin with. He would disappear because he’d done it before. Managed to evade even Rogers’ steadfast determination and Romanoff’s not inconsiderable skills for more than a year. Even then, he hadn’t been  _ found, _ he had just quit hiding.

But that...that wasn’t what Tony wanted, was it? 

He could admit that he had gotten used to Barnes’ presence in the tower. It wasn’t as grating and uncomfortable as it was once upon a time. They even, mostly, got along. Those small, witty comments that he used to parry Tony’s snarky remarks had become something of a game. 

Barnes, too, seemed to have become more comfortable. He smiled a little easier and didn’t jump as frequently or as fearfully when JARVIS spoke as he had when Steve had first brought him in. Those pesky trigger words inside his brain being neutralized had gone a long way to help him stabilize. 

The adjustment had been gradual. So glacial that Tony hadn’t fully registered it until just that moment. He no longer instinctively bulked when Barnes entered the lab at Tony’s request. He didn’t chase him out of his space the moment he was through with whatever upkeep was required for the arm. Instead, he worked steadily rather than rushed. Enjoyed the witty back and forth between them like he did with few others. Tony even found himself, on occasion, taking the time to explain what he was working on. In more detail than he usually bothered with anyone else save perhaps Banner. 

He recalled Rogers mentioning once or twice before how smart Bucky had been when they were growing up. How that curiosity and intelligence had only been hindered by poverty and lack of opportunity. At the time, Tony hadn’t been sure he believed it. Thinking it was, perhaps, the rose-tinted memories of a loved one speaking. 

It hadn’t been. 

Barnes, he’d found, was smarter than Tony had given credit for. That wasn’t even touching on the enhancements of the knock-off supersoldier serum or decades of training and conditioning under Hydra’s control. No, that only  _ added _ to the man’s capabilities. Rogers’ memory chimed true when Barnes not only  _ listened _ to Tony’s techno-babble but actually  _ followed _ and  _ understood _ a good majority of it. 

So their game had evolved over time from idle banter to banter mixed with meeting of the minds. It had been fascinating and enlightening. Despite the fury-filled venomous words thrown--that Tony couldn’t even fully recall, just moments later--Tony realized that he didn’t  _ want _ that to change. Didn’t want to lose that. Maybe even couldn’t.

“No,” Tony managed to say finally, dark eyes still locked on icy ones. “That’s not...That’s not what I’m wanting to say. You don’t have to go. I’d rather you didn’t. Go that is.”

“Then what is you want, Tony?” he asked seriously, brows furrowed slightly in frustration. “I get that you’re still angry and I don’t blame you. But I’m not gonna keep giving myself whiplash tryin’ to keep up with you.”

“I’m not,” Tony protested automatically. Barnes brow arched in disbelief and Tony dropped his head back against the wall in frustration at his inability to form words. Taking a moment to ground himself back in the present and out of his head, he sighed. “I’m not...still angry. I know it wasn’t you in control, wasn’t your fault. So we’re good on that. You just…” he dropped off at the end, unsure even what he was trying to say.

“I’m still an unknown,” Barnes said with a slight shrug. “Still make you uncomfortable.”

“You don’t actually,” Tony countered, surprising even himself with the words but intent on finishing the thought. “I think...I think I’m too comfortable. And I’m not used to being comfortable with other people in my space. Makes me twitchy. Other than Banner, you’re the only other one who’s down here for more than a couple minutes at a time.”

“Too comfortable. Need me to back off then?” He asked, taking a slight step backwards. 

“No,” Tony said sharply. Before he knew what he was doing, Tony’s hand shot out, fingers wrapping tightly around Barnes’ wrist, the metal plates cool against his touch. Barnes froze at the contact. It wasn’t just a halt of movement--it was complete stillness. Were they not standing so close, Tony would have thought even his breathing had stopped. And those eyes were pinning him where he stood once again. Studying him as intently as he studied battle plans, engineering projects, or targets. Maybe even more so. Tony couldn’t be sure caught as he was in the force of the stare.

“Whiplash, Tony,” he said after a long moment of tense silence.

“Yeah,” Tony agreed and then huffed a ghost of a laugh and nodded. “Yeah, I’m good at that.”

“Hydra didn’t give me telepathy. You need me to do somethin’, you gotta tell me what it is.”

The problem was that Tony didn’t know how to answer that. He didn’t  _ know _ . He didn’t like the uncertainty of it nor the way whatever  _ it _ was made him react. His confusion must have shown somewhere in his expression. Something must have given it away. 

“I think,” Barnes began and then paused, turning his head and breaking eye contact to look elsewhere, anywhere but at Tony it seemed. He licked his lips anxiously, the only tell Tony had seen so far to indicate a state of mind. “I think that’s what I’m gonna do. Back off. Plenty I can do other than take up your lab space. Least until you figure it out.”

“Figure it out?” Tony echoed questioningly. 

Barnes made another small step backward and Tony’s hand tightened around his wrist. Grey eyes shot down to Tony’s hand and then up to meet his again and he gave another wry smile, though this time with considerably less self-recrimination tainting it. He shrugged broad shoulders. “What you want,” he said simply. 

His flesh hand reached across to cover Tony’s for a brief moment before carefully peeling the gripping fingers off of his wrist. He took a slightly larger step backwards and eyed Tony with something that looked a lot like regret. The smile changed again, turning slightly softer and a bit more fond. So very similar and yet so very different than the ones he usually gave Rogers. Tony could only stare as his eyes dropped to the floor and he turned bodily towards the door.

What  _ did _ he want? 

Not this. No part of what he  _ wanted _ included standing back idly, silently, watching James Barnes walking away from him like this. Not when they’d finally fallen into some semblance of an easy-going friendship. Was that the right word for what they’d managed? It sounded wrong. But that didn’t matter because he was still  _ walking away _ and Tony couldn’t get his mouth to work.

How was  _ that _ a problem he was having? When he  _ needed _ his mouth to stop working--like five minutes ago when the venom was flowing--he couldn’t seem to  _ stop _ . How was this a thing?

Tony growled in frustration with himself and shoved himself off of the wall, taking long strides across the lab. Barnes stiffened when Tony caught up with him, placing a hand on his shoulder to halt the retreating movements. “Just. Just wait,” he managed to say. 

Barnes sighed softly and his posture slumped with a sense of resignation but he didn’t turn. Tony knew that his words needed to actually count. If he was going to fix this and not ruin it like he seemed to ruin everything he touched when it involved another person, then he had to choose his words wisely. He swallowed thickly and inched a half a step closer. 

“Look,” he began. “I’m terrible at this stuff. If Rogers and Romanoff haven’t already told you, I’m pretty sure that you’ve figured it out yourself. I’m not...I’m not  _ good  _ with people. So just...just wait. Please.”

Barnes--why was he still referring to him as Barnes, anyway?--turned his head enough to meet Tony’s gaze over his shoulder and gave a small nod in agreement. Tony relaxed a fraction now that he was no longer completely set on walking away from this...whatever it was. 

“I like having you here, okay? I do. A lot. And that’s odd for me. I don’t  _ like _ having people in my space. I don’t share well and I don’t play well with others. Ask Romanoff. But…” Tony hesitated. “But it’s different. You, here? It’s different. Don’t ask me to define it because I don’t understand it. Which is a whole other mess of problems. Because not understanding? I don’t like that. What I  _ do _ like and what I  _ do _ want, though, is for it to keep going on. I like having you here and I want you to keep coming here and being comfortable here. With me. And...And not just the whole beck-and-call thing or the arm thing. When--whenever, really.”

As Tony babbled out his admittedly fumbled attempt at explaining, Barnes-- _ Bucky-- _ slowly turned to face him, Tony’s hand falling from his shoulder with the movement. He looked amused, probably by Tony’s knack for rambling, and a touch relieved. “Are we gonna stop hashing out the past?” Bucky asked slightly warily.

“I’ll...try?” Tony said, wincing heavily. “Sometimes my brain and my mouth don’t really...communicate? And I get to going defensively and it just doesn’t stop and...I’m sorry. I am. Like I said. I’ve already forgiven that a long while ago. I don’t  _ mean _ to keep bringing it up. I really don’t.”

“I’ll take it,” he shrugged, those grey eyes studying him with intensity once again. Tony squirmed slightly under the pressure of the focus. Bucky smirked slightly at his mild discomfort.

“What do  _ you _ want?” Tony asked curiously.

Bucky stared at him for a moment before shaking his head slowly. “Doesn’t really matter what I want.”

“Doesn’t it?”

“It doesn’t work that way,” Bucky shrugged. “I’ve got more now that I’ve had in a long time. What’s the point in asking for more than that?”

“Actually  _ that’s _ the way it doesn’t work,” Tony frowned. “Just because you’ve got more than pain and misery doesn’t mean you can’t want more.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t want more. Just that I won’t ask for more.”

“Even if I asked you to?” Tony asked.

“You’re not gonna let this go, are you?” Bucky countered with a wry grin.

“Nope,” Tony grinned.

“How honest we talkin’ right now?”

“As honest as your best pal’s purported to be,” Tony quipped, grinning again at Bucky’s eye roll in amusement at the jest.

“Sure you can handle that kind of honesty?”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t, would I?” Tony responded seriously. “Look, I know I’m not always the easiest to talk to. I’m messy, I get it. But like you said, not a mind reader.”

“Right,” he said hesitantly, staring thoughtfully at some point over Tony’s shoulder. 

“So what is it, RoboCop? What’s that big wish bouncing around inside that head?”

Tony watched for a moment as Bucky froze, pinning Tony again with that icy stare. That utter stillness that his Winter Soldier persona allowed him to achieve. When he finally moved, it wasn’t to speak some deep, dark secret like Tony had anticipated. Rather, when he moved, Tony found himself automatically stiffening in surprise at the sensation of a set of lips pressing against his own. 

And  _ Oh _ . Okay. His mind scrambled to gather the sudden influx of information and attempt to organize it into some sort of logical pattern. As quickly as it scrambled though, it settled. Because it made  _ sense. _ All those questions and uncertainties that Bucky Barnes’s presence had caused. All of the frustration that Tony just could never seem to pinpoint. It made sense. 

Bucky made to pull away, breaking the kiss, eyes widening slightly in panic at Tony’s tension. But that wasn’t what Tony wanted, the panic in Bucky’s eyes. What he wanted was...Tony’s hands shot up to bury in long, dark hair and pulled him back until their lips met again, this time with no surprise or hesitation. Tony used his hold to tilt Bucky’s head just so and dove in to deepen the kiss. He felt the shudder work through his large body when lips and teeth and tongue met and touched and teased. Felt when large, mismatched hands clamped around his hips and tugged him forward until they pressed bodily together. 

His own body echoed the shudder when control of the kiss was taken and those hands shifted, one pressing to the small of his back keeping him close and the other snaking up to the back of his skull. Pinning him as fully and efficiently as that stare. 

Time stretched and stopped and sped by all at once. They were both panting for breath when Bucky finally let it break. Bucky’s expression was equal parts shy and awestruck. Tony felt like his grin echoed the sentiments. He licked his lips and swallowed thickly around the tangle of thoughts and emotions lodged in the back of his throat. He wanted to ask, to clarify, but didn’t want to break through this...easy calm. 

Bucky ducked enough to press another slow, lingering kiss to his lips. When he withdrew, Tony made to chase him, head tilting for more. Bucky pressed a single finger to his lips to stop him. “I don’t...Tony,” he exhaled shakily. “Not...Not just this. I don’t. What I want? It’s-It’s not just this.”

“What  _ do _ you want?” Tony asked again, aiming his tone for soft and encouraging and hoping that he managed it.

Bucky eyed him hesitantly for a long moment before the hand resting at the small of Tony’s back shifted to wrap around his waist and tug him snugly against the broad chest. That deep voice was oddly uncertain and hesitant when he finally,  _ finally _ , answered the question. “You? All of it. Everything?”

Tony grinned and then immediately sober. “I-I’d like that? But. You’re gonna need patience. With me. I’m not really the best relationship material.”

“Yeah,” Bucky sighed. “Me either. But…”

“We could...try, anyway?” Tony hedged.

“Yeah, that,” Bucky said with a small laugh.

“Can I make a request though?” Tony asked.

“Shoot.”

Tony shot him a grin and tilted his head consideringly, “Can we back up to that kiss? Try that again? ‘Cause I’ll be honest that was ridiculously hot. Who’d have thought that the Winter Soldier had such skills? Did--” Whatever else the Tony-typical rambling would have said next was an unknown because it was interrupted by a huffed laugh and the firm press of lips on lips.


End file.
